As the sun set on our first day together, most were ready for bed at 9 PM.  I was not.  No matter what my day brings, when 9 PM comes, I am wired and awake.  This has always been challenging, especially as I struggled to adapt to the corporate world.  My dear friend Tori Cummings felt the same way. So we went for a walk.  We came upon a bridge on our walk, which we thought would be short.  There was a very strange feel to this bridge, and we both felt some sort of presence and heard noises.  But we proceeded and walked for quite a while, getting lost in conversation.  

 When we decided to turn around, we could not find our way home.  But the road was straight.  We did not make any turns.  Tori, smart enough to bring her phone, turned on GPS.  It tried to direct us to a road that didn’t exist.  Eventually, we concluded that our only chance of getting back to the house was to trudge through a field.  As we did, I saw an abandoned barn.  And while I kept my cool, all I could think about was ‘this is how horror movies begin.’ 

We started to have strange feelings like we had traveled back in time, perhaps to the 1980s.  We feared that we’d get back to the house and our cars would be gone and the people would not be there.  Eventually, though very wet from the tall grass and tired, we found our way back.  Everyone was there and all was well. 

When we shared this story the next day, the conclusion was that it was the power of the fae, or fairies.  They were basically fucking with us.  They meant no harm, but they do like to be tricksters.  Whether you believe this or not is up to you.  But the lesson here is that it was probably dumb to go on a night walk in flip flops without my phone.  But it allowed me to experience something beyond what I can explain and have time to bondwith a human I deeply respect and admire.  And it is certainly an experience I will never forget. 

The clutter in my house has gotten out of hand and it’s time for a purge.  Something about these weekends, as well as so many summer weekends in the campervan, make me appreciate simplicity so much more.  So it’s time for a purge.  Perhaps as the weather turns colder and I am looking for things to do.  There’s a recognition of keeping the things that are important to be comfortable and safe, and shedding all else. 

During our movement class, Jessi quoted several times from a book called Life on Land by Emilie Conrad.  A few of these quotes…

“Our speed will diminish sensation.”

“Sensation is a form of proprioception.”

“Our sensing faculties exist at a slower capacity.”

I haven’t heard the term proprioception since my mindfulness training and quite honestly, I struggle to explain it. Most simply put, it’s body awareness and a sense of the space we take up in the universe.  But it is so much more than that.  

During this class, Jessi went on to remind us that the simple joys of rest, digestion, and even sex drive can only happen when we feel safe and slow down.  

And I ask myself – how can I remain ambitious and productive without being so rigid?

And right on queue, Jessi says – “think about when you force, like when you try to force an orgasm.  It’s simply not possible.”

Another powerful quote that was shared…

“When our awareness adheres only to pain, we are unable to respond to anything else.”

Which made sense, because our practice on a stone floor was not conducive to my back issues and I knew I was losing my sense of presence.  It also mirrors the concept of catabolic energy which is core to the understanding of energetic self perception.

The final reminder here is that permeability can’t be forced.  It’s like bad foreplay.  And we must get water in the pipes so they don’t freeze.  Meaning that sticking to the regimented schedule that I’ve felt I’ve had to do in order to succeed isn’t serving me.  I know it’s time for more flow, but as someone with attention issues, I struggle. I’m still seeking answers here and am open to possibilities and suggestions.

It would seem that I am in a constant balancing act of trying to ‘pass the test.’  Sometimes, when we learn a thing, we become indoctrinated to it. Without question.  Just look around.  Look at our politics, where we elevate people to god-like status.  Look at religion.  Most religions and spiritual teachings say the same thing at their core, yet they are often in conflict with one another.  If we are taught from a young age that “we believe” this and never question it, how are we supposed to know what we believe? 

Even our craft or our profession can be subject to this danger.  For example, over the years, I have struggled with iron absorption.  It’s shocking, but some doctors don’t even test for this.  Are they not taught about this in medical school? 

Are they brainwashed and disenfranchised by our fucked up health insurance system? The only ones who have even discussed this with me are the ones who have followed a more holistic protocol.  However, the treatments recommended have been very different.  I say this to remind whoever is reading that even something like medicine is far from precise. 

Again, I must remind myself that I only know the method I was trained in. In coach training, we learned that there are big T truths and little T truths. This echoes what I learned in my mindfulness training as well, which blew my mind at the time. 

No, that’s actually an understatement.  It broke me open.  It allowed me to realize that my opinionated, stubborn self may not be right all the time.  That is why, even as a mindful coach and educator, I never want you to take what I say as a big TRUTH.  Because while we may agree that 2+2 = 4, very few things are TRUTHS.

Think about the pronunciation of words.  Think about the strong likes or dislikes for…

Foods

Cars

TV Shows

Weather

So, my friends, I encourage you to…

Seek Your Truth.