The Integration Chronicles
When I first experienced a retreat, I hadn’t considered the concept of integration. This is how I thought it would go…“I’m going to go meditate for a week and be all blissful and shit and then go back to work.”
Adjusting to the Pace of the U.S.
In a country where every grocery store offers at least 46 different types of toothpaste to choose from, where we can order our groceries online or order just about anything we desire on Amazon, we sure can present as unhappy. If you’ve ever taken an international flight that connects to a domestic one, you know that you have to pick up your bag, go through customs, go through immigration, and then go through security again. While I appreciate that this is all designed to keep us safe, I’d appreciate not being yelled at the entire time. I can’t imagine how awful this is for someone who is not an English speaker. It feels downright cruel.
Luckily, for the first leg of the journey, I was traveling with some of my fellow retreat buddies, and we helped each other regulate. When we decided to get something to eat, we found someone yelling at the restaurant staff because her order wasn’t taken fast enough. In reality, it seemed like they were woefully short-staffed. Our waiter kept asking if he could clear our plates when we had barely touched our food.
Rush…
Then rush…
And rush some more…
Eventually, I parted ways with my friends to get my connecting flight to Boston from Florida during school vacation week. People were hovering around the gate, waiting to pounce at the announcement of their boarding group. I will never understand the rush to sit in a tiny seat on a sardine can as something that requires an extreme sense of urgency.
By the time I got home, it was 2 AM. I hugged my husband and my pup, and I crawled into bed, where I stayed until 11 AM the next day. Other than dumping the contents of my suitcase and doing some laundry, I allowed for a day of nothing. I watched The Greatest Night In Pop. That was it.
Easing in Slowly…
By Friday, I was ready to start slowly being productive. I started my day with a walk to reacquaint myself with my neighborhood and the chilly climate. Thanks to all that my roommate Kim taught me, I noticed more of the birds and their behavior.
I responded to some emails, did some things for my business, washed the bedsheets, and got my nails done. The girl who did my nails apologized profusely for how slow she was working. I reassured her that it was ok. At the end, I learned it was her first dipping powder manicure on a customer. She was nearly in tears as she exhaled. I wanted to cry with her. She truly did a great job. It reminded me how much I am called to support the learning journeys of others.
The Last Moments of Integration
On Saturday, I practiced yoga at Just Breathe as I typically do. I moved intuitively just like Jessi taught me and skipped poses. I felt the feelings, knowing that my perimenopause PMS is no joke. When my teacher Mimi did a card pull from the crystal deck, I took a particular interest in the card she pulled….
Carnelian
Not a crystal that I am familiar with but one that aids with increased confidence, dignity, poise, and self-assurance.
The message states it’s fantastic for those prone to procrastination or having difficulty gathering the courage to take the first step.
Message received!
Other than that, a little grocery shopping to ensure that I have good, healthy food for the week ahead and a trip to the dispensary to get the things that aid me in sleeping and support my nighttime anxiety were about all I could handle.
As soon as I put my pen down, I will be getting ready for my integration dinner with friends at one of my favorite places: Bocado in Worcester. Here, we will share good food and wine in a way similar to the way we shared in the jungle.
It’s cold and rainy, and I could easily melt into the couch for deep relaxation. But I know that it’s important for me to get out and reintegrate into this society that I call home. Work on Monday will be here before I know it.
Watch this short video to dive deeper into my Integration Chronicles.
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